Free PDF 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities, by Bill Eddy
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5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities, by Bill Eddy
Free PDF 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities, by Bill Eddy
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Review
"[This] brilliant book on high-conflict personalities saves us from trusting the wrong people and making the worst relationship mistakes at work, at home, and in our lives. You need this information today!"--Randi Kreger, bestselling author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder"5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life is a must read for the average person dealing with a high-conflict individual at home or at work. It is also essential reading for counselors, lawyers, judges, mediators, physicians, and virtually all other helping professionals."--Nancy Van Dyken, author of Everyday Narcissism“Essential. Entertaining. Easy. If you’ve ever been the deer in the searchlight, frozen by excessive language or wildly inappropriate actions, this book is your lifesaver. Just one high conflict person in your life can steal your peace of mind for years. With memorable acronyms, readable prose, and clear examples, you can know exactly what to do to get back to safety. I may lend my copy, I may buy 10 copies for people I love, but I will not give my copy away. I’m keeping it as my get-out-of-trouble free guide.”--Anne Katharine, author of Boundaries in an Overconnected World "Must. Read. The beauty of this much-needed book by Bill Eddy lies in its elegant simplicity, its specific and straightforward approach to understanding, identifying, and defusing high-conflict behavior. Bill's anecdotes, sample statements, and easy-to-remember techniques show readers how to protect themselves, set boundaries, and communicate limits, all with compassion and respect.”--Kimberlee Roth, co-author, Surviving A Borderline Parent: How to Heal Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem"Bill Eddy, where were you when I needed you? I had never heard of a person with a high-conflict personality, but I spent years as a target of blame. If I had had your illuminating book 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life, I would have understood, and I would have had tools and strategies for protecting myself. This book will help loads of people recognize, avoid, or manage the disturbing experience of being caught in the net of a person with a high-conflict personality. I love the book!"--Jean Illsley Clarke, bestselling author of Self-Esteem: A Family Affair and co-author of Growing Up Again and How Much Is Too Much?"This book is full of easy-to-take-in information about high conflict personalities, and lots and lots of actionable tips. If you want to know HOW to stand up for yourself, and exactly WHAT to do, this book is for you. With case studies, short scripts to follow, and action steps, you're all set for managing the high-conflict individual in your life. Just be sure you do take action!"--Catherine Mattice Zundel, HR Consultant at Civility Partners, author of BACK OFF! Your Kick-Ass Guide to Ending Bullying at Work "A deeply wise, much-needed, and extremely readable analysis of the five kinds of high-conflict personalities. If there is an HCP in your life, this invaluable book can help you stay sane in the midst of the pain and chaos they create."--Resmaa Menakem, MSW, author of Rock the Boat and My Grandmother's Hands“What a terrific resource and reference book. This self-help manual will assist readers in dealing with destructive personalities in a positive way. This is a must read for everyone, and particularly for those in professions dealing with high-conflict personalities on a regular basis. What I love about it is that it is simple, clear and easy to remember—really a step by step guide in how to deal with destructive personalities in order to avoid causing them more distress and how to escape becoming their victim.”-- Susan P. Finlay, Judge of the Superior Court, ret., San Diego, California“Like so many of Bill Eddy’s past books, so useful, practical and easy to read, this book will change your life. Having a personal relationship with a high-conflict person, who can be a serial relationship killer, is a scenario destined to ruin your life. This book is a comprehensive ‘how to’ protect yourself by understanding how high conflict persons act and behave and how to disengage in ways design to protect those persons who have been targeted.”--Sheldon E. Finman, Esq., family law attorney“Bill Eddy translates for everyone the wisdom he's shared with lawyers, therapists, judges, human resource directors and other professionals about how to deal with highly challenging personalities we encounter in our daily lives. By providing us with proven techniques for handling people with these psychological disorders, Bill helps save us from months and years of frustration, heartache and agony.”-- Dennis L. Sharp, Esq., LL.M, Mediator, Sharp Resolutions“We have all encountered high-conflict personalities—in our personal lives, at work, and in our neighborhoods. 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life provides the reader with both a blueprint and the necessary tools to successfully survive these challenging people. We can’t change their personalities, but with this book we can learn how to effectively manage them.”--Denis Doyle, Ph.D., Retired Superintendent of Schools“Bill Eddy has written an excellent common sense guidebook that provides behavioral maps of what is going on and what can be done about it. The heart of 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life is the gift of a better future that it offers all of us who struggle with high-conflict personalities.”--John Dennis
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About the Author
BILL EDDY is the co-founder and president of the High Conflict Institute, a company devoted to helping individuals and organizations deal with high-conflict people. Eddy is a Certified Family Law Specialist and Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego. He is also a Licensed Clinical Social worker with twelve years' experience providing therapy to children, adults, couples and families in psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics. He has taught negotiation and mediation and currently serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law.
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Product details
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: TarcherPerigee (February 6, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780143131366
ISBN-13: 978-0143131366
ASIN: 0143131362
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.5 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 6.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
42 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#19,632 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This book has been very useful in helping me deal with irrational verbal attacks by an old associate when I went out on a limb to respond to his request for help. His story became progressively inconsistent and, as I tried gently to help him work through it, I was eventually assailed, twice, over the phone. Although this took me by surprise and was painful, this is the second time that the person has ‘come after me’ for no apparent reason.By chance I saw an article in Psychology Today by the book’s author, Bill Eddy. The article seemed to capture many characteristics of my quasi-friend and his behavior, so I bought the book.The rationale is simple and elegant. The author is both a mediation attorney, and psychotherapist. About half his mediation cases involve a disputant with one of 5 major types of personality disorders identified by mental health professionals in the DSM-5 [sociopath, psychopath, narcissist etc]. According to the NIH these individuals constitute about 10% of the US population.Of these types, those who cause people distress through their words or actions, tend to take advantage of people in characteristic ways. The author calls them High-Conflict Personalities (HCPs: though not all people with these disorders cause conflict).When one finds oneself sucked into a dysfunctional and painful situation with an HCP, certainly one approach is to hire a counselor. In my view, it is best to be equipped with some skills, even if simple ones, to detect, and handle, the situation before seeking professional help. The HCP concept meets that need. It is not intended as a diagnostic system. It is more like a street map telling you which parts of a foreign city to avoid if you value your health.The book provides early warning clues. Is the person doing something that 90% of the people would not do? [In my case, yes he was]. And, is the person saying something that 90% of the people would not say? [In my case, yes]. Finally, how does one feel after engaging the person? [I felt disconcerted, betrayed, abused, and victimized]. I tend to be too trusting and wanting to help. Thus, I was an easy target.Of course, given human psychological diversity, the details of how HCPs disrupt relationships will vary. But, in the depth of the book I found many characteristics that fit the person causing me problems. He is charming and fast-talking, with big plans that lacked concrete or logical details (that he wouldn’t discuss). He lies or misrepresents the facts, doesn’t take responsibility for his circumstances, never apologizes, and does not attempt to resolve misunderstandings. I’ve always known that he had a volatile reaction to being questioned, and that he always escalated a disagreement rather than trying to find a common solution. Thus, I have always walked on eggshells around this guy. All these traits are common among certain HCPs.For me, the official psychological designation didn’t really matter. What mattered was being able to deal with the person. Initially, I reacted with anger and opposition, as anyone would, but that’s not Eddy’s recommendation. Better to set clear boundaries, or use an excuse for a graceful way of backing out. I am currently working on that and, as of now, communication between this person and me has ceased. That saddens me because the guy can be fascinating [as long as I don’t ask questions].In sum, I found Eddy’s book to be very helpful. Given that HCPs constitute a significant fraction of the people we meet, its recommendations are good to keep in mind before untoward situations develop. What layperson can recall the details of the DSM-5 regarding the diversity of people who effortlessly engage conflict? Eddy’s book is a good first-hand rubric for avoiding trouble. I recommend it.
The title is a little HISTRIONIC but this is an incredibly helpful book for identifying and managing five different kinds of high-conflict people. The approaches feel a bit corporate, with trademarked acronyms for each strategy, but I was sold after I found myself reading through the chapters, recognizing the people, and thinking, "Dang, I wish I'd said that. Dang, I wish I'd done that." If you're highly empathetic and/or you have codependent tendencies and find it really hard not to fall right into cheerleader/champion/sympathizer mode with someone new who tugs at your heartstrings, this book offers great stop-drop-and-roll advice that you can follow repeatedly until it becomes instinctual. Loaded with sentences you can actually say in a wide variety of contexts. Love Eddy's statistical approach to adjusting the reader's expectations. No, you can't get along with everybody. You need to expect problems with about one in ten people. Here's how to manage it.
Terrific book, wish I had read it 10 years ago. I just left a job where a person with both narcissistic personality disorder and border line personality disorder spends her days tearing down excellent people to boost her mediocre self. Six months of that, daily, including on weekends as she never stops emailing, and gets offended when her emails are not answered in 5 minutes! I found this book and finally understood what she was doing, and that she could not be helped at work, the best thing was to leave, so I did. Thankfully, the job market is hot and I got another job within days, but how sad that one very ill individual is destroying the workplace for so many people. I have recommended this book to all of those who remain there, and have already received two emails from people thanking me for giving them a game plan on how to deal with this sick individual. Thank you Bill Eddy for your insights, they are valuable to all in the workplace.
Bill Eddy's latest book is invaluable for anyone working with people - or living with them! Self-awareness is the key to handling high-conflict people, because although THEY probably won't change, YOU can learn to control how you react to them, to stop them from ruining your life. Bill's easy to understand methods have worked for me, and I highly recommend this book.It is clearly written without jargon, giving helpful examples of what to say or not to say when confronted by High Conflict People.
A book of value, have your children, friends and co-workers read this book!.......not knowing the information presented in this book will raise the chances of tremendous heart break and financial destruction if any loved one's life has been affected by the types of people and situations outline. I will be buying another copy for my 20 year old son in hopes to help enlighten him as he takes off on his own life path.
This is an informative book, on how to protect yourself from being harmed by destructively behaved people. My question is, how do you protect yourself from further harm, if you have already been harmed? A book on this would be greatly appreciated
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